justrun-.

let's waste time, chasing cars

(this is so overplayed and overused but nvm i like it)
if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me
and just forget the world

i think the MV where he's lying there with raindrops falling onto his hand is just the sweetest thing ever. the title "chasing cars" just reminds me of super fast bikers who can actually chase cars and trucks and buses and lorries and huge vehicles. while i just get dropped.

training has been painful. i've never ever felt this way about training before. i thought i'd get over it after a few sessions, but i guess not. i hadn't realised how much i'd neglected my fitness during exam time. i suppose the time really just flew by without me even realising. THREE WEEKS. just like that. i knew i should have at least gone for little runs or swims or anythings! but.. it slipped my mind. what a loser excuse. but i swear, i was THAT absorbed in mugging i honestly didn't even have time to think about such things. never knew i could get so absorbed in studying. but those weeks just flew by and all i rmbr was mugging my head off. spending hours on end looking at notes and memorising everything i could possibly fit into my peabrain.

as i was saying, training has been PAINFUL. both mentally and physically. you know, i don't usually feel like i'm in PAIN during training. more like i'm exerting and like i'm pushing. but no, not very often do i feel like i'm in pain. perhaps when i'm injured, yes. well now it's back. three consecutive trng sessions i find myself saying "oh god when is this going to end". it's not that i'm slacking. but i really am pushing very very very hard. there is the will, but my body just seems so unresponsive! and all these three trng sessions, i find myself almost in tears by the end of training. because my body's in so much pain. and i suppose my mind is just so torn up from the thought that i can't even do a simple workout anymore. then i have these thoughts...what if.. what if i can't run or swim or bike like i used to. what if i just lost everything. like amnesia. what if it's all gone now and i can't ever get back to that already super low level that i used to be at. that is the most deadly thought. cos it pierces through my mind and then everything just seems so pointless. i didn't think that stopping training for that "short while" would be so serious. but it seems to me like i have literally forgotten how to swim bike and run. i am not exaggerating... when i start swimming 1500m 4mins slower than i usually do, when i start running 12k 10mins slower than normal..my brain really just doesn't know what to think. when i swim my arms feel like they're gonna break and i feel like i'm drowning. when i ran today, my knees felt so painful i had to walk. I NEVER WALK DURING TRAINING. i was cursing under my breath at myself. my knees! damnit. ARGH.

the pot says it's normal. i mean i haven't trained for 3 weeks (i swear it didn't seem like that long). but now i just don't know :( and it's really just very mind-boggling. what if i can make those timings anymore? it'll be so sad if i've "passed my prime" and god my prime was such a low prime.

sigh. well i guess i've got to give myself a chance. i deserve that chance. so i should just cont training my arse off. and see what happens. i'm just really afraid of the pain. because when it hits you, it really pierces and tears and destroys. my knees were really like omfg! ouch. felt like someone had stuck metal poles into my knee caps. both of them.

***

on the other hand. school's starting all over again next week :( i have a feeling i'm not going to enjoy options very much. i want my physics of flight at least. pleaseee. and man i really have not been integrating during the hols.

there's BARBIE@ZHEN'S to look fwd to (: sianying created a nice little poster. it's so hilarious.

i love my class (: and i can't wait for the barbie! ahha. ignore the first point under "entertainment". hilarious. super hilarious. AHHH I AM NOT GOING TO WEAR A WHITE BIKINI!!!! OMG sianying has just informed me that .. omg. haha

lｵﾍｶﾟｽ says:
I HOPE YOU ARE TRAINING HARD
patso! i am dead tired. AHHHHHHH. CRIKEY! says:
yeah
why?
lｵﾍｶﾟｽ says:
BECAUSE MANY PEOPLE WANT TO GO JUST TO WATCH YOU STRIPTEASE

AHHH I AM GONNA MISS MY CLASSMATES :( oh crud. who knows what weirdos i'll be studying with next term during options man. no more polar bear?

haha okay i just have to talk about polar bear. polar bear is this rubber figurine that sian found one day. can't rmb how and when. yes but after picking it up, she nursed it back to health and pasted it on her desk. since then, she has never failed to groom it to what it is today. first, she plastered it with red tape. weeks after that, she removed the red tape and this time used a permanant black marker and coloured the polar bear BLACK. HAHAHA. like omg which polar bear is black?! ok then just before exams, she blanco-ed it white. HAHAHA. funny shite. once , the polar bear went missing. and you know how sian has her whole "dont eat currypuffs they are an endangered species" campaign? well yeah we had a little conversation...went sth like this...

sian: WHERE IS MY POLAR BEAR?! -panics
sian: WHERE IS MY POLAR BEAR?!?!?!?! -panics even more
sian: OMG WHERE IS MY POLAR BEARRRR?!?!??!?!?!?!
me: someone made it into a polar curry puff -guffaws
sian: WHERE IS MY POLAR BEAR! PAT I KNOW YOU TOOK IT!
me: NO! someone made it into a polar curry puff!!! -guffaws even more

HAHAH funniest shite. i am so going to miss 410! :(

sy, fx and wj glorifying ole polarbear!

:D

alright have to wakeup brite and early tmr. my knees are killing me. AHHH. damnit. haha oh and the much awaited mtg is tmr too! hurrah hurrah.

[pat]* decided to runaway-.

put on her shoes at [20:42]

and took [20060906] strides

it's the passion that drives you